In South Africa, we have a tradition of renaming our provinces every few years, so I have decided to follow this tradition and I have renamed the nine official Provinces in a way which is easier for tourists to understand.
The nine provinces of South Africa:

As a token of my passion for life, I have decided that with all the name changing and flag changing that is going on, I may as well jump into the fray. This New New Southern African flag unlike the ANC flag, honours the many many heroes who died fighting the racist Nationalist Adolph Hitler. It also honours the few who died struggling for a better life since then.

A :-) Nelson Mandela Bay. The best malaria free game viewing in the world is in this province. The only thing that South Africans can agree on is that ol' Madiba is good oke. Some people call this province, the East cape, but the Cape is like a thousand kilometers away so stuff them, and the Capeys imprisoned Madiba whereas we set him free. We're still annoyed with them for that. How can they go and lock him up on their island like that? Sies! 'Die Baai' (The Bay) has the best swimming all year round, no nasty Zulu sharks, or clammy Zulu weather, nor chilly Cape ocean. Port Elizabeth is balmy all year round, with its hottest days normally in the middle of Winter, due to the warm Berg wind blowing off the desert. The lush Gamtoos river valley is a farming haven renowned for its quality produce, while Addo is for elephant lovers. You don't really need to visit the rest of South Africa, as Nelson Mandela Bay has it all, except we don't have any flat mountains or big holes. Here is a short synopsis of the rest of the place anyway.	B :-) Trance Sky Also known as the Transkei, this province has a magical unspoilt feel to it, with the best wide open beaches in the world, and rolling rural countryside. The locals are very friendly, and have always reminded me of the Gauls in the Asterix comix, living in cozy seaside villages in an idyllic manner. Life is simple here, but the local vegetation is a feast to the eyes for city folk. Kofi bay is renowned for its flora, as is Port St Johns, as well as the hundreds of little resorts dotted along the wild coast. The real African experience is in enjoying unspoilt nature, and keep your eyes and especially your ears open for the fantastic exotic bird life. Look if you don't want to see the animals or the unspoilt landscape then hamba, because a place is a place, and our animals and natural habitat make a difference, ok?
C :-) Zululand This province has had many name changes from Natal to kwazulunatal amongst others. Seeing as though the Americans have a place called Natal already, and a kwa just reminds me of a cross breed kwagga, can we please just call this province Zululand. After all everybody knows and understands what a Zulu is, and what a land is, but who has heard of a Kwagga? Let alone its lesser know cousin, the Kwanatal. In Zululand you can find Durban, but its not half as poisonous as they say, and you can find Zulus and British colonialists, and the occasional Afrikaner too, looking a bit bewildered.	D :-! Translvaalia The old Transvaal, consists of greedy vampiric gold-digging types on the one hand but also in the east is the Kruger National Park, which has a wide variety of animals and especially birds with fantastic varieties of exotic plumage. If they got rid of the tarred road and instead used thermal airships and hot air balloons for game viewing, life for the animals would be more real, and then the elephants won't scare the locals, and the Lions won't gobble up the Japanese tourists. And it would be more natural and fun than sitting in a hot car all day.
E :-( The Gold Mine Jo burg is like a real live version of grand theft auto. People here hijack one another's vehicles for fun, are very rich, very mean, and their cricket ground is called the bullring. I haven't been back since some kindly military gentleman offered to blow up my girlfriends' folks' swimming pool with half a stick of dynamite, 'just for fun'. Upon arrival at the airport simply head to the departure terminal and make haste to the coast with the best beaches in the world. They have an inland artificial beach here too. Shame!	F :-) The Farm Also known as the Orange Free State, not much happens here except that they have lots of farms. Their cricketers are known for rigging matches in India, and JRR Tolkien was born here. (He left at age 4). I once spent the night here, sleeping in a tree in the middle of nowhere, and observed the most perfect sky of stars in the world, and the most vivid orange sunset. There is lots of empty space here. Lots and lots of it. And plenty of flat mountains too. And desert. And space. And farms...
G :-) The Diamond Mine This province has a massive big hole where they used dig for diamonds. Now they have realized that its easier to get them from the mouth of the orange river. But they didn't bother to close the hole, so the locals decided it would make a good thing for tourists to look at. This is one province I have not actually visited. It just seemed like a massive way to go to stare at a big hole in the ground. I have not ever really seen a big hole in the ground before, so maybe I am missing out on something here. Does anywhere else in the world have a big hole in the ground for tourists to look at?	H :-) The Desert Well, most of South Africa is actually just a desert, but seeing as though it takes up lots of space, it seems fair to give it its own place in the sun. And boy is there lots of it here. I think it would make the perfect spot for a monster size solar heating grid. Also you may be lucky to find a genuine bushman, or !Koisan cave painting. (Make your tongue click for the !) If you are luckier, you may even get to see the real fellow himself.
I :-( Gay's Town This province is also known as Cape town, or the Western Cape. The people here are a sad bunch of winos who are very impressed with having one little flat mountain. They fight for parking so that they can fight for picnic space so that they can watch the sun set from their little mountain. They are really proud of this achievement, and they even spend a fortune in electricity so they can look at the mountain under spotlight at night. Whole suburbs can go into blackout, but damn that mountain stays lit up all night. I don't see what the fuss is, Lesotho's mountains are much higher and the Free State has many more flat mountains, and Zululand even has a mountain which is also called after a piece of kitchen furniture. And what's with all the moffies and whores? I think living in the shade of a mountain must seriously effect the growth patterns of some people. Don't visit the Western Cape, it has the worst crime, and they are known there for locking up important political people for decades at a time on their little island. And if you have a lost relative avoiding interpol, Cape Town is possibly second on the list for criminal out of towners, visit Auckland (Orc-land) in Australia if you cannot find your international fugitive of choice here.	J :-) Beyond the Republic If you really want to see Africa, with elephants on the roadside, head north to Botswana. If you want to see human misery go to Zimbabwe, or if you want to commandeer an entire country so that your weird girlfriend can have your illegitimate child, then visit South West Africa Jolly Pitsville. As name changes go, they seem to revolve around the most important events in a nations existence. Lesotho has mountains, Swazi have Swazi, and you may wish to visit South Africa's informal tenth province, Perth, a little way out to sea on the Indian ocean side of things. On the whole South Africa is in Africa, and thus the only real law is the law of the Jungle, so stay in your pack or herd if you want to be 100% safe. But if you prefer excitement and want to nearly be eaten by a crocodile and a hippopotamus on the same day, visit Zimbarbaria. But if you want a wholesome life, stay in Madiba Bay, where the locals are sunny, the beaches are honey, all year round, in a typical tropical warm African way.
A List of the 100 most popular people ever Seating arrangements for Judgement Day
A wish list for 2010

web design from www.poseidons.net

www.???.com R 2010 all costs included for 5 years.